This autumn, LOVE marked its 10th anniversary. Born in 2015 in revolutionary Ukraine and later carried to Spain and Europe due to the war, this year, I am closing it down. And that, for me, is a gift. Here’s why.
I created LOVE in 2015 while working as an investigative journalist for one of Ukraine’s most prominent magazines. At the time, I had won a Fulbright grant and was preparing to leave for the U.S. for two years—until life presented me with another “grant” in the form of my future husband.
I couldn’t leave Ukraine, but I also couldn’t continue with journalism, as the window of opportunity had passed. Instead of settling for feeling like a victim of circumstance, I decided to create something new—something that had always been close to my heart: a fashion brand. And that’s how LOVE was born.
There were many “no’s,” but they were always overshadowed by one resounding “YES”—a profound love unfolding both within and around me.
LOVE grew from scarce resources into a solid, profitable brand. My focus was always on the woman who didn’t just need another dress but who needed to *love* the way she looked. That was my way of honoring resources, people, time and the creative gifts I had been given by coming into life.
It felt like I was immersed in love, overflowing with it, and able to share it freely to my clients. LOVE felt like the embodiment of happiness itself—so much so that I lost sight of everything else.
Just two months before the war started, my dream came true: I opened a top-tier boutique in the heart of Kyiv. I was living in the reality of my answered prayers. I had everything I had ever dreamed of: a beautiful home, a wonderful family, and a thriving business. It was onwards and upwards.
But life had other plans—plans beyond my personal aspirations.
The day before the war broke out, we boarded a plane to Barcelona. It turned out to be the last flight leaving Boryspil Airport.
And just like that, a new chapter began—one that showed me that life cannot be lived from the mind alone.
I have always been blessed with an abundance of energy and courage, but as the Spanish say, *lo que pasa*—the thing is—courage without awareness can be dangerous. It can lead to self-destruction. And that’s exactly what happened.
When I arrived in Spain, I immediately threw myself into finding ways to keep LOVE alive. I was pushing forward when I could barely breathe through the pain. The pain of the country, I care for, suffering, the pain of bloodshed, the pain of leaving behind everything I had carefully built. Just existing required immense effort. But out of sheer belief—or perhaps illusion—that I had to keep the brand alive, I forced myself to keep going.
I negotiated with one of the most prestigious multibrand boutiques in Barcelona to sell my upcoming summer collection with them and sent *literally* a thousand emails searching for a wholesale agent in Italy to showcase my collection at Milan Fashion Week. At the same time, I tried to keep the business running in Kyiv while integrating myself and my then 2-year old son into life in Spain. I barely slept. But I kept going.
To prepare for Milan, I woke up at 5 AM to practice yoga. I was so exhausted that I once collapsed, injuring my arm. I cried, but I kept creating. In 2022, under LOVE, we produced 76 looks—a staggering amount for a team of just two people. (Yes, some of the team had left due to the war and some were asked to leave due to redundant income). The Italian agent I hired turned out to be a complete disaster in communication, teaching me a hard but valuable lesson: never do anything out of fear.
I spent €10,000 on that entire Italian venture—money that could have been better spent helping those in need or simply allowing myself the rest I so desperately needed. Ironically, LOVE was chosen to stand alongside Roberto Cavalli, but I hadn’t done my research: Milan’s buyers were primarily from the Russian market (which was unacceptable) and the Chinese market (which favored established brands). Italian boutiques showed interest, but even then, I struggled to secure payments. Lesson learned: vanity and fear don’t pay. *You* pay for vanity and fear.
I also remember taking two suitcases and heading to Madrid to pitch LOVE. Some boutique owners slammed doors in my face, but I did find clients. Orders were placed—but payments never came.
The boutique in Barcelona that sold my designs? They went an entire year without paying me. As a foreigner navigating those circumstances, struggling to keep my business afloat, I couldn’t understand—if they had sold the goods, why weren’t they paying? Well, as the saying goes, *when in Rome, do as the Romans do.* Lesson learned: never take action without first understanding how the system works. In other words, never act out of ignorance.
All of this took a toll on my nervous system, but more than that, my own relentless attitude was destroying me. One of my trips to Madrid, however, led me to Tony, a boutique owner with whom I had a beautiful collaboration.
Desperate to extract happiness from LOVE, I sent another thousand messages to fashion experts on LinkedIn. That’s how I discovered a program for emerging designers in Barcelona. I was shortlisted and eventually became a finalist, securing a showroom in the heart of the city.
It seemed like everything was working—except *me*.
I didn’t understand why something that once brought me so much joy was now breaking me. I couldn’t sleep. I lost my mental health. I kept trying to run the shop in Ukraine, but I no longer enjoyed it. When I finally closed it, I collapsed.
And from that unbearable inner void, I finally turned inward.
That was the true beginning of my journey. I realized that I had unknowingly used the idea of being a fashion designer as a substitute for happiness. But happiness doesn’t come from an identity—it comes from the Self, the pure essence that brings joy to everything it touches.
I had to confront every dark corner within me to truly understand that nothing defines me. Just like a child, who is naturally happy simply by *being*, I came to see that happiness is the core of every Self. Life doesn’t take love away—it only gives.
It was never LIFE that was taking something from me. It was only my belief that something external defined my happiness.
Had I remained in a safe, comfortable place, I would have never turned inward of my own accord. It was only through losing the identity of a business owner, only through living in an unfamiliar country where all my personal beliefs were shaked, that I was able to see that these were all just ideas I had believed in. And I finally found peace—and love—within.
Only from *being* love can I *create* LOVE—not the other way around.
And so, with deep joy and peace in my heart, I am sharing this: I am closing LOVE. It can no longer exist in the form it once did, because that part of me is finished. Something new is emerging. Something born out of love and peace.
To anyone reading this who is experiencing hardship, know this: nothing is against you. Life is kind, and everything serves to open the heart.
As my spiritual teacher says, this attitude is *beatitude*. Facing life’s mirror is not easy, but it is the only thing truly worthy of our life.
With love,
Ksenia
P.S. Don’t forget your farewell gift—use code FINAL35 at checkout for 35% off!